The magic of Stouffer’s lasagna

I am still fascinated by my post cancer treatment see-saw life. This past week I had another of my yuck spells. They come on suddenly, lately for no apparent reason, and are rife with erratic sleep and achy mornings (actually entire days).  Nausea becomes my constant companion, as does ginger-ale and Starlight Mints. Vigilance, resignation and routine get me through… Continue reading

Why you need a sacred space

I never really understood the big deal behind sacred space. When I did my yoga training, the teacher recommended we each build personal alters. I dutifully searched the internet to find examples of what mine should look like, completely missing the point. Flummoxed, I never did it. Even if I had built one, then what? The truth of the matter… Continue reading

Letting go of fear

I had my six-month follow up visit with my radiation oncologist last week. Its hard to believe that it has been six months since my last radiation treatment, which means it has been ten months since my last chemotherapy treatment. I got the “all clear” yesterday, but it felt hollow. The follow up for double mastectomy patients seems too simplistic,… Continue reading

A patient observer

Two slices of raisin bread, toasted, with some fruit on the side. Honeydew melon these days, it changes with the seasons. As I buttered my toast this morning, it came to me that all during chemotherapy I made my own raisin bread. Now I buy it at the store – Dave’s Killer Raisin Bread. It also occurred to me that… Continue reading

Yup, I’m still insane

I’ve been wrestling with this feeling for the past few days, this gritty lump that’s stuck in my craw and refuses to dislodge. I’ve meditated on it, yoga-ed on it, thought on it, frowned on it, yet there it sits, stuck there. Then, driving to work yesterday, it hit me, I’m still insane. Yup, genuinely certifiable. I meet the criteria.… Continue reading

Emotional coal

Yesterday, in a post-Thanksgiving turkey-glazed-haze, I was mentally thumbing through the past year, the ups and downs and sideways moments that had come and gone and shaped my experience with breast cancer. That’s what Thanksgiving is all about, right? Giving thanks for the blessings of the past year? Maybe it was the mashed potatoes talking, maybe it was the book… Continue reading

Just for Today

Just for today. It’s a powerful statement. It makes me feel like I can do this, do anything, just for today. Tomorrow is another day and I will deal with that when it comes, but today, just for today, I can deal with this, whatever this is, that today will bring me. When I was a child, my mother used… Continue reading

Keys to the filing cabinet

The mind is an amazing thing. I liken it to an enormous data center, similar to what you see when a television show gives you a glimpse into the bowels of the national archives. Usually those glimpses involve some controversial box of information being stored on a shelf somewhere in a maze of like boxes with the intention of it… Continue reading

Remember to bring a flashlight

Thursday, February 16, 2017, was my last chemo treatment. My doctors and nurses were really good at managing what they term the side effects of chemo (and what I call effects, because let’s call a spade a spade, everything that happens during chemo is an effect of chemo), but they have pretty much left me to my own devices to sort out… Continue reading

Chemo is a crooked road

After sixteen treatments, my chemo is done. Yeah! Right? Maybe not. Cancer is a crooked road, and chemo is only one leg of the journey. Chemo was not too bad, relatively speaking, but what comes ahead, that is the great unknown. I went into chemo with a lot of trepidation, although acknowledging it was the best course of treatment for… Continue reading