The magic of Stouffer’s lasagna

I am still fascinated by my post cancer treatment see-saw life. This past week I had another of my yuck spells. They come on suddenly, lately for no apparent reason, and are rife with erratic sleep and achy mornings (actually entire days).  Nausea becomes my constant companion, as does ginger-ale and Starlight Mints. Vigilance, resignation and routine get me through… Continue reading

Letting go of fear

I had my six-month follow up visit with my radiation oncologist last week. Its hard to believe that it has been six months since my last radiation treatment, which means it has been ten months since my last chemotherapy treatment. I got the “all clear” yesterday, but it felt hollow. The follow up for double mastectomy patients seems too simplistic,… Continue reading

Just for Today

Just for today. It’s a powerful statement. It makes me feel like I can do this, do anything, just for today. Tomorrow is another day and I will deal with that when it comes, but today, just for today, I can deal with this, whatever this is, that today will bring me. When I was a child, my mother used… Continue reading

Gooey

Gooey. What a great word. The way it feels inside my mouth, puckering as if to kiss itself and then thinking better of it. Not to mention the images it conjures up. Keebler elves pulling apart fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies, a cloud of chocolaty steam rising from the molten chips to meet their little noses. Salt water taffy, the long… Continue reading

Keys to the filing cabinet

The mind is an amazing thing. I liken it to an enormous data center, similar to what you see when a television show gives you a glimpse into the bowels of the national archives. Usually those glimpses involve some controversial box of information being stored on a shelf somewhere in a maze of like boxes with the intention of it… Continue reading

Monday is hump day

Monday is hump day. On Monday, I will officially be half way through with my radiation treatments, which means I am headed into the back stretch. After Monday, I am just ticking days off the calendar, eye on the prize, headed for July 3rd, which is my official last day of radiation, barring some unforeseen cataclysmic event that would cause… Continue reading

Milestones help

Monday will be my tenth radiation treatment. I will be one-third of the way through. For some reason, with radiation, with a five-day-a-week schedule for six weeks, milestones help. I have four more weeks, and based on how fast the first two flew by, they will go quickly too. I haven’t really written about what treatment itself is like. It’s… Continue reading

Treading water in a whirlpool

Lately, I feel like I’m treading water in a whirlpool. You know the feeling, when you try to juggle a short term overload while insisting on maintaining your personal space and two days into your six-week temporary situation you know that the whirlpool will win. Not today or tomorrow, but sometime during the six weeks, it will win. So you cry.… Continue reading

Inhale deeply and hold

Inhale deeply. Exhale. Inhale deeply and hold. Breathe. Again. Inhale deeply. Exhale. Inhale deeply and hold. Breathe. Again. It sounds like a breathing exercise, or a meditation of sorts, but no, it’s the mantra of my radiation test run. Splayed like a broken scarecrow, head twisted to the right, I laid there for half an hour, being scanned and x-rayed,… Continue reading